If You Asked Me Ten Years Ago

If you asked me ten years ago what my life would be like today, my 15 year old self would be completely off point.  Ten years ago, the age "25" sounded SO old and SO far away.  Ten years ago, I probably would have said I would be married, have kids, own a huge house, and a vacation home on the beach.  It's funny how unrealistic we think, isn't it?  I mean I wouldn't mind a mansion and beach house or anything, but come on, those things just don't happen to most twenty-somethings.  I never would have thought that I would be in this awkward transition phase, lost, but somehow with a plan, and 100% content.  I never thought I would've gone to grad school, or not even want to think of the marriage and kids topic yet.

I think the biggest thing of all is that ten years ago, I felt like ten years forward would've had me being so old, but yet I actually feel so young.  It's like I'm torn between being a twenty-something that still wants to party like it's college some days and the pressure to be professional, career, and family focused because that's what you're supposed to do after college.  Or at least that's what I assume.  But then again there's no rule book to life telling you how your supposed to behave at every age point, so there's that.   

Life is just weird and time flies.  I find myself living moments thinking "oh that's cool, I'll have that one day or I'll do that one day" but when the time comes, it's not yet the right time.  It makes me wonder will I ever be ready?  If ten years ago I thought I would be "old" and have kids, but now that the time has come and I still feel like being my old freshman self riding the drunk bus to Tiger Land at times, then what the hell will life be like another 10 years from now? Who knows.

I guess my point to all this (because I'm pretty sure I probably lost most of you with my scattered brain by now) is that in a current moment, we feel like something's a good idea, just not for right now.   We get comfortable with our identity and think that's who we will be, forever (a high school kid, a college student, etc) but in reality, the roller coaster of life keeps going, and going very quickly might I add, and holy shit time has flown.  It's easier to say not now, but one day.  But then before you know it, that time arrives much quicker than you thought.

So self, please get it together!  I accept the fact that 25 is realistic, but 35!?  At 35, I better have that vacation home waiting for me!  And my own boutique.  And poodles and golden doodles running crazy around my house!

Helene in Between Blogtober

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