Stereotypical Questions That Make You Sound Like a Moron

Happy Thursday everybody!  Today I feel it's necessary to go on a mini rant.  Sorry in advance for blowing your ears off, but I have my reasons.

Now the problem is that I've been living in New England for a year now and I've been asked one too many interesting ignorant questions for my tolerance.  It's not just one or two people that ask me these either, it's about every person I meet out here.  I'm really hoping they're just like those annoying hand raisers in class that like to hear themselves speak.  Whatever the case may be, this nonsense has got to stop.  So today I'm here to share my answers to questions only really sheltered people would ask and it goes a little something like this:

quotes about the south

You're from the south, where's your accent?
I'm sorry, what?  I guess I missed the memo that I'm supposed to sound like a Swamp People character.  Some of us grew up in the suburbs ya know!  We don't all sound like Honey Boo Boo's mom n'em.  (Seriously though, everyone I meet is shocked when I open my mouth and don't have a "southern" accent and it's getting pretty annoying.  Just about every person I meet here asks me this question.)

You sound like us, I thought people talked slow down there?
Let's start by being more specific in your choice of words.  Ok cool.  Now, let's see.. if by "us" you mean northerners and "down there" you mean in the south then I guess I understand what you're trying to ask me.  To answer your question, no.  We don't all talk "slow," whatever that's supposed to mean.

So how much water did your house get from Katrina?  Is the city still destroyed?
The entire state was not under water nor was the entire city of New Orleans.  Do your research then ask me that question.  And no, I was not trapped on my rooftop.

Don't people just go to Bourbon Street to flash their tatas?
News flash.  The only women you'll see flashing their goods are the ones you for sure don't want to be looking at anyway.  Trust me on this.  Oh and did I forget to mention that it will always, and I repeat always, be a drunk tourist.  We're too classy for that mess.  Fact.

Isn't everyone from the south a party animal?
This one is partially true.  We like to party.  But I bet you 10 beers that homeboy passed out in the middle of Bourbon Street is not from the south.  Check a brother's wallet if ya don't believe me.  There's a reason we have lenient liquor laws and you don't.  Be jealous.

Are there like alligators everywhere?
Just because I'm from Louisiana it doesn't mean I grew up in the swamp.  I've seen an alligator before if that makes you happy.  It was at the zoo (ok and maybe one baby in the river).  But they don't just roam around like squirrels if that's what you think.  And by the way, we do not eat squirrel.

So my question to you, my beloved readers, is would you get sick of hearing these questions too!? To any of you non southerners, would you ever ask someone this (please please please tell me you wouldn't).

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